Before I launch my tirade, a caveat:  I do realize that most Christians do not believe it is possible to get demons in your vagina from dildos.  I know.  I know.  But there is a point in the works here, so please bear with me.

The following article appeared on Huffington Post, appropriately categorized under WEIRD NEWS. It is hysterically funny in it’s ridiculousness and infuriating because someone out there is being damaged by this asshole.

Christian Author Mack Major Says Female Masturbation Is ‘Direct Path To Satan’

It’s a quick read if you are in the mood for a snort-inducing belly laugh.  If not, please allow me to summarize:

Mr. Major has decided that female masturbation, with or without the use of sex toys, opens one to the influence of uncontrolled sexual desire, which is, in fact, a demon intent on destroying your life.  He states that female masturbation is an ancient pagan form of demon worship, indeed the act will summon demons who will attach themselves to you and it is NOT NORMAL.

Let’s discuss.

Firstly, if one believes that god invented humans (I do not) then he/she/it also invented the clitoris, which is the only organ in the entire body that serves no purpose other than pleasure.  Either he/she/it invented it as a torture device for the purposes of instilling self control or he/she/it intended for women to experience sexual pleasure.  If it is a torture device, god is one sick fucker.  Also, the clitoris likes to be rubbed and will respond no matter who or what is doing the rubbing; doesn’t matter if it’s got a ring on it or not.   Babies in the womb rub their genitals.  It is normal, unless you believe that we were born sinners with a built-in morality test button.  If you believe that, then perhaps you are one sick fucker or maybe have never held a baby.

On towards the point…

Backtracking from “female sexual pleasure is satanic,” we land in the less-nuts-but-still-uncomfortable realm of some pleasure is acceptable and some is not.  Many believe that sex prior to or outside of heterosexual marriage is a sin, thereby attaching guilt, shame and restrictions to sexual exploration.  Plenty of people have waited for marriage and been glad they did.  It is certainly a valid choice and none of my beeswax.  And that is just it.  It is a choice, not a moral issue.  Plenty of LGBTQ people have been rejected by their families and committed suicide. A disproportionate number of homeless teens are LGBTQ.  Can you imagine choosing religious belief over your own beloved child?  We attach shame and guilt to what is arguably life’s greatest pleasure and the source of our deepest connections.  We attach misery and fear to the process of discovering our sexual selves in adolescence, instead of focusing on how pleasure fits into our psyche and how to have respectful, consensual relationships.  It isn’t that difficult to learn how to not get pregnant or not catch an STD, however when the toxic cocktail of religion and politics gets involved, information and birth control seem to disappear and so does acceptance and understanding.

While the focus of the article is obviously loony tunes, it is merely a few steps down the road from general shamed-based sexual restriction, run-of-the-mill slut shaming and victim blaming.  Instead of creating rules around sex, what if we were to focus on teaching boundaries and self-knowledge?  What if we taught communication skills?   What if we deleted shame, guilt and fear from the conversation?

Also, I can’t get this song out of my head now:

Highway to Hell