I am waiting for the call telling me that my mother has taken her last breath and I do not know what to do with myself. I am not sure how to spend this time. I walked the dogs, bathed, ate breakfast, doomscrolled, stared at my phone, ransacked boxes of old photos, searching for that one picture of her.
I found it and many others. Pictures of her with my children, at their births, birthday parties, reading stories. I see now how hard she tried to connect with me and how difficult I made it. My favorite times with my mother, as an adult, were the times there are no pictures of. The early morning conversations on her front porch swing with steaming mugs of coffee, our powerwalks around the neighborhood, being beat at Scrabble mercilessly and often. She always bought fancy creamer when I visited even though I don’t use it. And made meals from my childhood that I had no nostalgia for, but I see now what she was doing. She was glad to have me there. She needed me to have fond memories of her meals because cooking for her family is what she did, every damn day, along with a million other things. It was her work, her contribution, her way of caretaking and loving. It was also her “duty” and very likely a monstrous, unappreciated chore. But she needed me to acknowledge that what she did mattered. I wish I had been gentler with her, but I am only just learning that now, that gentleness is what is needed. Everywhere, with everyone.
As her health declined I heard stories of quiet conversations others had with her, too, and how her gentleness made them feel seen and loved and supported. She quietly lifted people up behind the scenes, always. And they remember. Some reached out to her, and for that I am grateful. It’s easy to forget to say the words. And its easy to chalk relationships up to being complicated and undecipherable, but at the end, all that remains is love.
Always Waiting by Michael Kiwanuka
Beautiful.
Thank you, Cami.
I’m here waiting with you, Aunt Ronna.
Love you David
I know. Same feelings for/about my mom who passed May 6. Too many words not spoken. Be glad. It’s all she wanted probably.
I’m glad she is free and she knows I love her. Yes, that is all. xo
Your Mom was very supportive of me as I dealt with a marriage that was on the rocks. At the time I was married to a preacher that looked so good from the outside but was the devil to live with in private. After reading your book I see that she probably knew more about my situation and struggle than I originally thought. She did not hesitate to offer me support and understanding. I thought your book was well written and told a story that needed to be told. Good for you for taking ownership and being brave in the face of expectations.
Ronna,
I am so sorry! Sending you so much love my friend!😔
Love you, Jamie:)
Ronna, this is so beautiful. I have no adequate words of comfort but can only offer my love and compassion for you during this time. 💕💕💕
thanks xo
This is breaking my heart to have to find a way to tell Kendra. She loved Grandma Donna so much. After visiting with her, Kendra would always tell of her activities they did together and how much fun they had. I am so blessed to have know Donna over the last 10 years. My thoughts and prayers for the family.
Its so hard. And you are family. In Mom’s honor, you could always make a craft.:)
xoxoxo Beautifully written. A tribute. xoxoxo
xoxo
So sorry for your loss. Your mom was always kind and comforting to me. I’m thankful for the opportunity to know her. I loved being a small part of the family while waiting for the JCM new dorms to open. That was a privilege!
Thank you, Karen. xo
This broke my heart wide open: “I wish I had been gentler with her, but I am only just learning that now, that gentleness is what is needed. Everywhere, with everyone.” I know exactly what you mean. I think I am learning gentleness and tenderness in my 50’s. My gentleness often had layers of protectiveness covering it; now I am less and less afraid to let it be up front. Thanks for writing this. I put a gentle hand over my heart for you, for your mom, for your family.
Thank you. It’s too bad it takes so long to decode it all. Our last moments were tender and so sweet.
She took me into her home after I was injured and got out of the hospital while attending JCM. I remember feeling so peaceful there.
xoxo
My family was a guest in her home once soon after arriving in Jackson, Ms. She was a gracious, warm and sincerely kind lady… her gift of serving was more than sharing food and drink… she radiated and shared The Love of Christ in a way that made you want to know Him as she did! Words are surely hollow on your ears now, so may the Peace of The Great Comforter rest upon you and the family! I am sorry you’ve lost your dear Mother.
I’m sorry, too. xoxo
These words, like sooo many of the you pen, matter. Thank you, once again, for the vulnerable look inside.
YOU matter!
Thank you. xo
She always knew that you loved her. Always waiting…and ever patient. She had faith.
We got to a place where, even though we didn’t always like each other or agree or understand, we loved each other so much. But she did like you more.:)
I’m so sorry to hear about your mom, Ronna.. sending love your way…
xoxo
Ronna – So sorry for your loss …. all of them. {{hugs}}
Thank you:) xo
So very sorry for your loss. Your Mom was one of the sweetest!! Thankful to have known her!
Thank you.
You’re golden me Cuz! I’ll always owe you for connecting me with Donna again. Every few months over the years, I would call her or I would be getting an email from your mother “grace cottage.” Always had something kind to say to me. It meant the world to talk to her one more time last week. You made that possible. I’ll always be grateful Ronna. Loved me some Donna…love me some Ronna. My thoughts are with you and yours❤️
Love you cuz
Ronna: Sorry for yours, Karissa’s and Susan’s lose. I loved your mother and father both during my three years at JCM and had fun whenever I came to your house with Susan (she was one of my roommates my junior year) and then with Karissa (she was a suite-mate my senior year). Your mother was so kind and funny — she joked a lot with me and taught me how to be gracious and kind to others. She was a remarkable woman and I will forever love and cherish the memories I had while knowing her!
Thank you:)
Hugs and love. Such mixed feelings. Lucky, Donna. Lucky us for having known her. Lucky you for having her as a mother – wonderful memories that you will have always. My heart is wishing you peace and comfort.
Thank you:)
Beautiful tribute to your Mom Ronna!
Im so sorry for your loss!
She was a special lady & will be missed!!
Praying for you girls and your families!! 💕
Thanks, Wendy!
I have sweet memories of you. Going to your house after church and having grilled cheese sandwiches & Yum tomato soup. Your mom was so kind to my mom and me always encouraging and making us feel special. You and your sisters were so kind to me too. Many times you all would come pick me up for church/youth activities. Wonderful, beautiful people. I am praying for you and the family. Just nothing easy about it. <3 <3
xoxo My mom LOVED your mom so much!
Ronna, your sweet Mum was just amazing. I was just a poor British lad with a new found faith and she was one of the few that was such a great encourager to me back in my JCM days. Much love to you, Karissa, Susan and all your families. She will indeed be missed.
Thank you:)
So well said, Ronna. I am in tears! Love your sweet momma and love you and your sisters. Sending lots of hugs your way.
Thank you, Cindy.
I knew your mom for forty years. She was a truly wonderful lady who has gone, in the words of the old hymn, the last mile of the way. Now at peace. Wonderful sense of humor. I have memories of many long conversations with Donna, lots of laughter and discussions about the journey… hers and mine, I admired her courage in the face of pain and appalling loss. Her faith never wavered and many of us are better people for having known her. Much love to you, Karissa, and Susan.
Thank you.
Talented with that keyboard of yours…no one can say it like you❤️
Thanks, Paul.